Yoke Fillion

Aku lama mendambakan dirimu,

Aku menantikan kehadiranmu,

Kutunggu dengan penuh kesabaranku,

Karena aku tahu, kamulah yang akan jadi milikku

Kucoba untuk cari tahu,

Apa yang sebenarnya kamu tunggu,

Cintaku sudah pasti hanya untukmu,

Kuyakinkan kamu atas ketulusanku

Sayangku tak bisa kulukiskan,

Karena tekad dan keinginanku hanya bisa menawarkan,

Apa yang didambakan,

Setiap anak manusia yang dilahirkan

Janji-janji takkan bisa dipenuhkan,

Apabila itu akan jadi muluk-muluk belaka,

Aku hanya yang bisa berharap dan menjalankan,

Apa yang menjadi kewajiban memberi kasih yang ikhlas dan luar biasa

Semoga kamu dengar isi hatiku ini,

Aku akan tetap menunggu sampai saatnya nanti,

Kamu akan ada disisi,

Membawa kebahagian dalam hidup kami…

She is now three years old… The last time I saw you, you were at the stage of learning how to speak. I knew from a very long time that you were going to be a very smart girl. Eventhough you couldn’t speak those days, you were so active and were not afraid of expressing your preferences and your dislikes. You were a bit naughty too by the way, but it doesn’t change the way I love you my dear ..

Everytime I had your mummy on the phone, I always asked about you. Most of the time you didn’t want to speak to me and that made me a bit dissapointed. But it’s okay, I was hoping perhaps you’d be willing to speak to me next time. You cute voice and the way you speak make me laugh all the time. Especially whenever your mom tells me how you’ve been and what you’ve been doing lately, I just admire the progress that you do my little one, and that makes me missing you a lot more.

Today I had you a bit on the phone, and you spoke english to me! hahaha… I was surprised my dear and was very proud of you! You go to school now and I’m sure you’ll do great at school and you’ll be having so much fun.

A lot of people around told me that we are so much alike when I was at your age. That makes me realising that there’s a part of me that build inside you. Your behaviours especially when you play by yourself, talking to yourself in languages that you’re the only one who understands, and now since you’re at school, you play teacher and students with the maids at home. Exactly like I used to be ! hehehe… Isn’t it weird that we have so much things in common eventhough we’re miles apart? At the moment like this, I’m thinking of you and missing you so much ! I wish I could see you every year and play with you.

One day, when you grow up, you’ll understand what I’m writing here for you. This is just the expression of my feelings and love on words since we haven’t seen each other for a while, until next time I see you again. Please always keep it in your mind that eventhough we’re miles away, I think of you everyday and hope that you won’t forget me. I’m still your Tata who loves you dearly…

Till we meet again my chicky one…

Big hugs and kisses,

Tata

I have known you since I was born. I felt  your deepest lost since grandpa passed away when I was 5. Eversince, you have become weak and dependent. Eventhough we witnessed your handicaps along these years, we all knew that you realized how much we loved you. I imagine that you’ve been through a lot and I can’t blame that you were traumatized by all the incidents throughout 87 years of your life.

It had been 2 weeks you were hospitalized, without any progress. Yesterday my sister told me on her sms that you were in coma and the doctor gave up on you. He said you will be gone perhaps last night. I knew that everyone prayed for you, for your cure… You slept tightly last night in your coma. I was praying for you the whole night so this morning I wouldn’t receive a bad news from my sister.

I woke up early this morning, thanks to my husband who had to go to work earlier. I switched on my mobile at around 6am, and I was quite relieved to find there was no messages. But then, at 6.30am as I was trying to get some more sleep for at least an hour, my mobile rang for a new message! This time, my sister said, you were in critical condition. I cried and prayed ! I didn’t know what to do… then I fell asleep until another message woke me up. This time says, "grandma just passed away…"

God, I was crying outloud, not knowing what I supposed to do and say. I regret so much that I couldn’t see you for the last time, I regret I didn’t go back home last year. I regret I wasn’t there to see your face for the last time and to say how much I love you eventhough I’m miles away from you.

May you rest in peace Mak Emmi… I know that you’re happier up there. You are now reunited with grandpa in heaven, the only man that you loved… Please watch over us down here… I love you Mak and I kiss you million times… Kiss Engkong also from me as I miss him terribly… I’m going to miss you a lot Mak… See you up there one day…

Your grand daughter,

Yoke…

Paris, 29 April 2008

I received
an sms on 31 December around 11pm Paris time from my sister…

I knew that
my dearest aunty (my mom’s cousin) has been ill from cancer. She had a breast
cancer history about 15 years ago, but she survived from it since. Returning
from her trip to Europe and USA, she went to do her check up after the heavy
bleeding while she was in the US. The result stated that perhaps she got an
uterus cancer this time. So she had to undergo some chemotherapy sessions.

Because of
the news that my aunt’s health was getting worse, my mom, who was here with me,
decided to return to Indonesia. She called my aunt straight away for getting
some news, and so she was on the way to be treated intensively in Singapore. My
aunt apparently was so weak and she couldn’t eat anymore. So my mom asked my
aunt to wait for her as she’d be heading back home soon.

On 26
December, my mom sent me an sms saying that my aunt was in coma. I was praying
for her again and again… I cared so much for her, as she did so many things
for me and for my mom… She was like a mom to me… especially when I was
little, I used to talk to her about things that I couldn’t talk to my mom. She
was a very nice lady, kind hearted and was always there to help us. She was
never angry, she always gets along with her husband who also got a lung cancer
a year ago and still under medicine’s treatment. Both of them are strong
people, they were never scared of their cancers, they never felt in one second
that they have these life-threaten illness in their bodies.

And so that
day on 31 December, my sister’s sms saying : “Yoke, aunt Yun has passed away
this morning… I’m very sad, what should I do? Why a kind person like her had to
go so soon?”

………… I was
speechless and suddenly burst into tears. I regret so much that my aunt had to
leave us so soon, she was just 57 years old.

Aunt Yun, may you rest now in peace… I’m
sorry that I didn’t call you to hear your voice, to find out how you were while
you were still with us. But you were in my dreams during your crisis, and in
that dream, we had walk together…, but then suddenly you left me, you
disappeared… I was looking for you all over the place, but you were gone… I was
so scared to phone you, because I didn’t want to lose you, I didn’t want that
my phone call became  a bad luck for
you. I was confused… however, one night after the dream, I prayed imagining
your face just in front of me, asking for forgiveness and explained to you why
I couldn’t call you… I hope you understand and that from now on, you watch over
us from heaven above… Good bye aunt Yun, I love you dearly and I’m going to
miss you so much…

After being 3 years and 5 months in France, I finally got my French permanent residency last week ! I was very happy to receive this PR because I was so desperate and frustrated more than a year, waiting for it to come out ! I was back and forth to the prefecture here to ask for my PR application status, however, my application in Paris last year has been canceled because of my moving in Marseille. I found it ridiculous because moving in to another state here in France can be such a big administration problem. I had to re-apply last May and it took so long for them to work on my application. I was quite unfortunate in this case because moving to Marseille means I’ll get the work done slower and longer than expected. I suppose that is in their culture, while in Paris, the people tend to work quicker and more effective.

Thanks mommy… I hope you enjoy your stay in France…

I’ve been living in France for over a year now and if you ask me whether I like it, I would answer yes… eventhough it hass also been a hard time living in a new country, language and culture, I always try to look at the positive sides of it. I learn new experiences everyday, learn the sexy language that every girl is dying to hear, not to mention dreaming of having a french man too perhaps…)… everything here has been a challenge!!! Full of walking, running tryin to catch my suburban train, then being on the train for at least half an hour to reach into this "lovable" city of Paris. Sometimes I still have to wait and run again for the metro train (the underground trains) to take me to the final destinations. Everything in Paris is really exciting and also tiring…

For this long, I’ve been living in a Parisian surburb, and what I can tell is that living in a suburb can be really exhausting, there’s often a strike where the trains don’t work at normal times, which really sucks!!! I also have to walk to the train station and try not to miss it, because if I miss it, it’s half an hour of waiting to the next one to arrive, sometimes they skip it too bloody french!!!

Being in the metro is another life experience, it’s often packed, people from different continents can be seen at times. Once you will see a lady with lots of jewels around her fingers and neck, wearing a nice expensive outfit but beside her is a poor old man, smelly like never had a bath in his life. Strange huh? but that happens here… When the train is packed,  oh la la… you just can’t move around, happened to me a lot of times!!! oh yeah.. so all I can do is protecting my bag and my treasuries (boobs and butt :-)) also don’t forget to say "pardon…" each time I feel imbalance and about to get out of the train. Don’t get me wrong though, being in the metro can be so much fun too, especially when my hubby is with me…

Paris Paris… it was my honeymoon destination when I was younger.. now it’s my life destination to live in and to grow older with my sexy, handsome french lover (if you know what I mean!!! *twink*).

To be continued…

Such a great relief that finally a year of religious wedding preparation as well as the reception has accomplished successfully!!! It was such a hard work organising everything by myself, especially my husband who had no idea of what to do nor how it was, about having a wedding in Jakarta. Of course, as we come from asian countries, organising a wedding can be a very big task, moreover when you’re not there in the country itself. But I made it!!! So many things to tell about it, but overall, the wedding was wonderful, everyone was happy, my husband was the happiest man in the world, getting a lot of surprises from me on that day. I sang him a french song, which my voice didn’t turn out that well because I was half losing my voice and they made me to sing at the same key as the original song (which was quite a tricky mistake), so imagine that this moment was almost breaking my dream to have a carrier becoming a singer!!! (NOT REALLY guys!!!)

After all, I really thank my mami, Maike and Jimmy, Ineke and Lieke (my beautiful bride maids), also Ii Yun and Intio Jerry, and of course all of my cousins, uncles and aunties who have helped us a lot for this wedding to be successful. Without them, the wedding wouldn’t be this great!!! God bless you all, and I miss you!!!

After the the big day, we went for our honeymoon at last to Bali and Lombok. First stop in Ubud, Bali, where things are quieter, more cultural and arts place. We stayed at this cozy, beautiful view hotel towards the stage where they play the "live" Balinese dance and music every night. So just being on the balcony, we could have watched the performance just in place, without having to pay as audiences.. BEAUTIFUL!!! Welcome drinks, heart-shaped roses on bed, roses leaves in the bathtub, really made this room specially romantic for honeymooners, guess what, they welcomed us with a small note on the bed, "Selamat Berbulan Madu" alias "Happy Honeymoon"!! I bet it was, guys!! (Jadi maluuu…*twinks*)

Three days in Ubud, we moved back to Kuta, where all tourists were… We stayed at this nice hotel near the beach itself too, outdoor bathroom which was making the first impression a bit scary at night time, especially when we had the room right on the corner at the very end of the hotel… a bit of intensity while we were sleeping, but the water feature at the garden at the back made us more relaxed anyhow..

After 2 days in Kuta, we flew out to Lombok, straight to Gili Trawangan Island, where the adventure started. Apparently, our hotel was the most luxurious, unique and perhaps it has the most beautiful swimming pool design with salty water though. Three stages of swimming pools, plus a jacuzzi, not a lot of people, just felt like the world was ours… we swam and swam days and nights, in the pool, on the beach… feel like in paradise… The room itself is very unique, small yet cozy.. the bathroom itself is also outdoor, imagine you have to go downstairs with the stairs that fit only one person at a time everytime you want to do your stuffs… a bit pain in the butt, but it’s ADVENTURE guys, ADVENTURE!!! (not recommended for people above 50 years old and a bit overweight, can be dangerous)…

Anyway, the frontbeach has beautiful white sands, though a lot of corals (ouch) but it was pleasant every time we were swimming there.. one day, we wanted to do snorkeling (that I’ve never done it before), payed quite a lot of money to be on the special boat taking us to 3 different spots for a day, but at the end, just half an hour after, I was seasick, panicking while in the water, couldn’t breath from my mouth!!! SUCH A FAILURE!!! I was disappointed though, but Laurent was a bit sick too at the same time, so we canceled the day trip of snorkeling and hoping we could get some refunds, but the boss was never been there anymore when we searched him. Well we didn’t regret it though, we understood part of it was our fault too, that we shouldn’t have done that at the first place when I especially haven’t done that activity in my life before!!! that was the lesson of the day!!!

The last afternoon we spent there, we walked around the island, almost 2 hours, catching up with the beautiful sunset overlooking the island of Bali. We had the best spot to watch the sunset, the best place to have a rest as well (wouh.. tiring you know!!!)

Passing 2 days on the island, we went back to the mainland of Lombok, where we stayed at Senggigi. Again, staying at a beautiful hotel with the largest pool I’ve ever seen, near the beach!!! Our room is overlooking the beach too and only 10 meters away to the pool… it was tremendous!!! Gosh, my love life has completed with the honeymoon trip… We both really had a great time of our lives! We really appreciated every single day we passed by there, it was really like a dream honeymoon…

I won’t be surprised that will be more honeymoon to come, since yep!!! we live in Paris… it’s like a honeymoon everyday anyway…

God…
I was praying and hoping to You before I met my husband to give me someone who
would love me and care for me for who I am. I was deeply into this bizarre
world that turned me upside down to be someone else!!! I was depressed and
didn’t know what to do, I lost my way, no one that I could turn to. I didn’t
have self confidence, I did stupid things that I have never done it before, it
wasn’t me at all!!! But at the same time I also realised I had the most fun
time in my life, being single, hung out with friends, clubbing, drinking and
partying without thinking of other things. Two men, one after another came and
took off in my life, thought I was in love with them, but hey, they refused me!
They liked me but not so much for loving me, hmm I didn’t deserve that! Eversince,
I decided to take it easy, to slow down a little bit and realised what I’ve
done wrong to make them like that. I don’t regret anything, but getting hurt is
just one thing in life that is hard to get over it in one night. But hey, it’s
their lost man!!!

I reconstructed a new me, I said this to You over and over again. I wanted to
be a better me by started loving myself more which doesn’t mean being selfish. I
wanted the people around me to realise that I was a good person that I deserved
better. I wanted to show them the real me! I realised my mistakes then, and I
accepted them… never regret them!

One man with his cold look in the middle of the class was sitting, waiting the
class to begin. Here I was walking across him to get a seat, looking at him the
first time, gasping inside me "gosh he’s cute!!!" My girlfriend
agreed of what I saw, so I thought I made a little move to get his attention. Sitting
behind him was just perfect, I could see the half of him that was still cute to
look at. "OH MY GOD I had butterflies in my tummy!!!" I’m thinking
again, "hmm but you never know, a cute guy these days must have had a
girlfriend or boyfriend?!?" dohh "WAKE UP!!!"

I started to ask some friends about him, where he was from, you know, all sorts
of things! OH NOOO!!! He’s got a girlfriend, but she was on the other side of
the world. Hmm… dissapointed??? NOOO!!! why should I??? Good on her I
thought, she must be the luckiest girl in the world! So, what I did was
approaching him and started to have friendly conversations without any OTHER
INTENTIONS!!!

A couple of weeks past by, I asked him out for some drinks, dinner, lunch with
other friends, but NO NO and NO!!! He refused so many times with reasons
always, busy with studies!!! Okay, understandable! so I thought I wouldn’t want
to push my luck anymore so I stopped contacting him. Not far from the decision
day, "I’ve got an email!"… He said he wanted to go for a cinema
that night and asked me if I wanted to join him  afterwards we could have
some drinks somewhere. So I was like "huh? he finally asked me
out?!?" Okay, I calmed down myself and thought it was gonna a friendly
date and that how it supposed to be. So no hoping nor dreaming about him huh!
he’s got a girlfriend remember??

So I picked him up with my cute little car since he didnt drive at that time,
and the cinema was on the way anyway. We watched the most memorable film of my
life, DIRTY DEEDS!!! what a movie!!! gangsters, killings, shootings, drugs,
whatever you name it! End of the movie, I thought "what a date!"
hmmm… well at least after having some drinks would have calmed me down then…

Since then we picked up so many things in common between us, we started to
learn each other’s characters just in one night. I could tell he was the most
gentle and lovable person but quite a reserved one too. We had so much fun
together, moreover he cooked me a chicken pasta another night! yuuummm… keep
in mind, meanwhile I kept my distance too, acting like usual and just be
myself!

I prayed to You God, I was in denials.. I started to have strong feelings for
him… but I also knew he belonged to someone else who was waiting for him back
home… Not because I was crazy of his cute face and his strong french accent,
but I was crazy of his personality, I was in love with the inside him. Anyway,
I’ll leave it up to You God, if he’s mine, he will be mine no matter how far
and how long we should wait until we can be together…

"God, You answered my prayers… he started to like me too… he even
kissed me one night, and it was so passionate. I never regret to have been
kissed, because soon after I felt strongly that he was also in love with me. A
couple of months since that night, he admitted he was in love with me
too…"

I was scared and confused… he was going to leave soon after his studies and I
would also have to work and move to another state. I didn’t think it could work
out between us, thinking that he could have just played with me and that he was
probably going to go back to his girlfriend when he arrived. He told me once,
that there was no way he would get back to that girl, he already hurt her by
loving someone else. Gosh, I was the one to be blamed!!!but he said no… it
was him that was to be blamed but he didn’t regret it.

He left me, promising that we would be together again one day that he was
waiting for me in Paris.Eight
months after I gave him a visit, met his family and friends, he was true to
me… He really loves me!!! His family and friends were adorable…

So I had to go back to Perth and waiting to decide what I was going to do in my
life next, knowing that he was so far away from me. Another eight months of
waiting, I was going to pack up and go to struggle with my career life, but at
the same time hoping of something coming from his mouth. Something that could
secure this relationship… I was devasted, hopeless and realised if I went for
my career, our stories would have ended up just then.

Chatting after chatting on MSN every weekend, he asked me "Do you want to
get married?" I thought "hmm what a question!!! Is that a proposal or
he was just wondering if I wanted to get married?" So I asked him to
rephrase his question… oh my dear Lord, he popped out the question that every
woman wants to hear… I was having this good laugh and realising that he
really wants to get married with ME!!! "I DOOOOO!!!" and yet, it was
on chatting though hehe.. of course we’ve got webcams, that would be so helpful
to know whether he was serious or not.

2 July 2004

, At
the townhall of Taverny

11.30am

We
made our vows witnessed by his closed family and friends, a very simple
ceremony that followed by dinner at home… My beloved family couldn’t come,
but yet, it was the most happiest day in my life! I wish they could have been
here with us too… but I knew at least God was watching over this happy moment
of ours.

"Thank you God, You have made me becoming a wife to this lovely and
caring man. You have given us our love to each other and we will keep this
forever as a treasure. I remember God, You have answered my prayers, You have
granted my wishes… I could not want anything else in my life but to be close
to You and my dearest husband, Laurent… for the rest of my life, I’m the
luckiest girl in the world!!!"

Une indonésienne
et un français se rencontrent en Australie : c’est le début de notre
histoire d’amour, amour qui n’a cessé de grandir depuis.

Parce que nous
venons de deux mondes culturels différents, nous souhaitons que notre mariage
soit celui de la tolérance de l’autre, de la différence culturelle qui nous
enrichit tous les deux et de la liberté qui nous permettra de nous épanouir
ensemble.

Nous croyons tous les deux en notre amour, il sera notre force pour
affronter les épreuves que la vie nous imposera et amplifiera les moments de
bonheur que nous aurons la joie de vivre.  Notre ouverture d’esprit
et notre confiance envers l’autre seront les clés de notre bonheur. Nous
croyons en notre histoire.

Nous croyons également que notre
amour se traduira par l’arrivée d’enfants au sein de notre foyer. Pour nous,
les enfants sont des cadeaux de Dieu et il sera de notre responsibilité de les
éduquer avec amour et attention. Nos enfants seront le reflet de notre amour et
de notre futur.

Nos proches, nos familles et nos
amis, nous offrent une remarquable gentillesse et aide dans notre vie. Notre
amour pour eux est inconditionnel et éternel. Nous grandissons, nous rions et nous pleurons avec eux. Nous voudrions
leur montrer encore davantage notre amour pour eux, partager notre bonheur avec
eux.

Nous nous sommes
jurés fidélité et nous nous sommes engagés à rendre l’autre heureux et à
subvenir à ses besoins tant matériels que spirituels. De même, notre union
étant scéllée par Dieu, notre amour durera pour l’éternité. Dieu est notre guide, le pouvoir
de notre vie, la source de notre joie et le guérisseur de nos peines. Nous
voulons célébrer notre amour devant lui et le remercier pendant notre mariage
religieux. Laurent et Yoke c’est une
histoire vraie, qui est aussi belle que Dieu qui nous a faits.